Sister said it in a fight, said it all
Twelve years old in the hall, frozen in the frame
“You’re not my real brother” and the room went thin
Mum and Dad told me im adopted with story behind it
I didn’t crack right then, I just locked it in
Somewhere in me, a kid made a crooked guess
If I could be left once, I could be left again
If love could change its mind, I had to earn my place

I had a good childhood, plenty of love around
But that one line landed like a stone underground

Vers 2

Married young, gave it everything I had
Its called the Kiwi dream, called it starting clean
Two years later she was gone and I was split in half
So I worked harder, talked softer, tried to be the man
Tried to please a room that never really felt like mine
Tried to earn the air I breathed, tried to buy more time
Next love felt like home until she chose her own road
That one cut deeper, no name for what I knew
So I kept on moving, kept the engines running hot
If I could just do more, maybe I’d stop getting dropped

Pre Chorus

Second wife was warmth at first, a house and a plan
Jess and Oli in the middle, four walls in my hands
Moved five times, chased the future, kept it all in frame
Renovations, corporate climbs, Speedway nights, the same
I was building something real, or so I told myself
But I was running from that hall, from the kid up on the shelf

### **[Chorus 1]**
I kept chasing proof I was worth staying for
Kept bleeding for a door that never opened more
Every yes felt borrowed, every no felt known
I was trying to build a home from a wound I’d owned
But the truth was under all the noise, under all the skin
I wasn’t born to be left out in the rain I was living in
I was never too much, never hard to love
I just learned the lie too early, and it never let me up

### **[Verse 3]**
*(Stripped back — acoustic and voice alone)*

Then she ended it, the girls’ mum, gone
That’s when the word showed up: abandonment
Four women gone and I called myself the cause
I wore the blame like proof, like that was all I was
But I had it backwards, I was naming the wrong thing
I wasn’t broken because they left, I was bleeding from the sting
I knew the label, didn’t know the shape beneath
Knew the hurt, didn’t know the thief

### **[Verse 4]**
*(Piano returns, pedal steel)*

A year alone, then another love came in
Thought maybe this was the one, thought maybe I could win
Lil and Khole in the picture, Speedway never left
Ten years on and off, two tired hearts, two sets of wrecks
We were both still haunted, both still trying to stand
Mentoring young ones, showing up, doing what we can
When it finally ended, I stayed in the spare room
Not for me, for Lil, keeping the peace in the ruins
No blame, no fight, just the quiet of a house
Where the love is long gone but the habits still go on

### **[Chorus 2]**
I kept chasing proof I was worth staying for
Perfection in my mouth, but I was hungry for more
Praise felt like a trick, criticism hit like a fist
So I overgave, overate, threw dice at the cliff
When things were going well I’d reach for the old floor
Pull myself back down like I was asking for more
And every time I heard that voice, mean and low
“You idiot, you’ve ruined it,” I’d believe it, then go
Still that kid kept knocking in the back of my mind
Trying to earn his way home, one more time

Bridge
*(Voice cracks, steadies — pedal steel weeps, drums hold back)*

Fifty in the yard, looking at what I made
The house, the years, the jobs, the shape I became
Jess and Oli grown, Lil and Khole grown too
Their love never folded, even when I did
But the old role was over, the stage went dark
Father, fixer, provider — I’d played every part
Corporate talk turned rotten, greed dressed up as goals
I was mapping everyone’s future and losing my own
So I walked away from the grind, said, “Not this, not again”
Empty hands, worn out, finally asking who I am

I started asking what I want for this next bend
Couldn’t answer a thing, had to find my name again
Then I found my birth mother, called and met her face to face
Some questions answered, some still hanging in place
Found out I had three brothers and sisters I’d never known
And a father-sized silence that still wouldn’t let go
When people asked how I felt, all I could say was numb
So I built a wall first, just in case she turned and run
She kept putting me off, and I finally shut the door
Not because I didn’t care, but because I couldn’t take more

Verse 5

Podcast in the dark, Peter Crone on low
And the child inside me finally spoke
“Because I was given away”
“Maybe I wasn’t worth keeping”
Forty years to hear it
Forty years to know
The events were real
But the verdict was a lie
I am wanted
I am loveable

Final chorus

No villains, no blame
Not in me, not in them
We all drag a story through the bones we’re in
And I’m not the damage
I was built on a blueprint that was never mine
So I’m tearing out the false lines
I am enough to be fully loved as I am
Not for what I give
Not for what I build
Not for who I save
Just as I am

Outro

Wellington, the camper, the open road
Meaningful work, not my name on the door
Swim for the health, find the job, build the thing
Weekend camps, Speedway trips, let the new life begin
Honest love, money calm, room to breathe
Answering the question I spent half my life beneath
I’m not running from the life I made
I’m honouring every brick I laid
The season’s over, the lie is gone
Now I’m finally free
Now I’m finally free
To belong